I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
