Taylor Swift is so right about you.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
