I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
