Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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