I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
