babies were throwing up all over the place
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
