who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
