wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So here I am, sexting at work.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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