Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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