I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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