someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
