Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize