why didn't you poke me back
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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