names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
