I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
