It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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