Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize