It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
