I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
