yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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