I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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