Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
