So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
