She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
