the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize