i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
