I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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