Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
