Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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