hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
