So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
