i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
