Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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