is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
