people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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