Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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