Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
