You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
