I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
