the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize