I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
