dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
