If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
