Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
