White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
there was a trapeze. enough said
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
