On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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