She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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