For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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