Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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