Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
