i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
