her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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