Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
