so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
