I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
