I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
