Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
bring money and cleavage
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
