I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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