I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
