It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
should my penis look like a turkey
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
