im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
