Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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