How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
