Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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