Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
